


Mother's Day: Invincible

by DarkAngelDesignStudio



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse (past), F/M, Fluff, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Past Domestic Violence, Single Mom OC, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2020-12-27 23:27:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngelDesignStudio/pseuds/DarkAngelDesignStudio
Summary: I originally wrote the fic "Mother's Day" as a part of a fellow writer's challenge on Tumblr and I have been wanting to expand on this story for a while. I had been putting it off because of the many touchy subjects that this story talks about and I felt a bit scared about putting this story out there, especially since it depicts actual events from my own life and what happened to me in the past. Basically, this is my escape story. The story I wish I could have had the chance to experience after everything that happened to me. Now this is not to say that I wish my ex would die, or anything of the sort, but it is a way for me to finally vent and get my story out there for other's to hear. I think hearing a story like this would be beneficial to someone and show them that, if they are struggling or scared in their relationship, you should do whatever you can to take a chance and get out. Nobody should have to suffer this way and if you ever need any advice or help, I am here for you.





	1. Prologue

PROLOGUE 1

**Alisana**

When the dead arose and started eating people, I was expecting that to be the worse day of my life. But I was wrong. Completely and irrevocably wrong. It’s important to acknowledge this now, seeing as I’m sure that I won’t have the time to think about this later.

Standing within the walls of the community I call home, my body aching from the cuts and bruises on my skin, a gun in my hand. I feel the world tilt around me as I fall.

My ex, the father of my two boys, is lying on the ground, in a pool of his own blood. He took a bullet to the head. My bullet. Just ahead of me, the love of my life, the love of my sons’ lives, Is watching, taking in the entire situation with a look of shock and horror on his beautiful face.

It seems to be the expression of the night as everyone around us follows suit, looking to each point of reference in the cinematic shot of our fucked up lives and waiting for the other shoe to drop, or in this case, for me to drop.

I want to tell them to shove it, the deed is done and the bastard deserved it, but my body won’t move. Not even to catch myself. Instead, I look to the man I fell in love with, the man that took care of me all this time, and I wish with all my heart that I hadn’t caused him all of this trouble.

Negan. Former leader of the Saviors and reformed prisoner of Alexandria, he only came into my life on a whim. A passing moment during a bad day. He was there for me, listened to me, even though he didn’t have to. It was from that small bit of compassion that my love grew. But, now, after all the trouble I’ve caused, I just hope he will be willing to give me the time of day.

None of this would have happened if I wasn’t so damned weak. None of it. I bet he’s disgusted with me, now. I’m scared to look. Scared to see the thoughts written on his handsome face.

Before my thoughts could go any further, my eyes shut and I finally, blissfully collapse to the ground in a worthless heap.

The last thing I hear is the sound of my name.

* * *

PROLOGUE 2

**Negan**

One minute I’m beating this worthless sack of shit’s face in for hurting my woman, the next my ears are ringing from a gunshot as I watch her fall to the ground in front of me.

I’m watching her fall as if she’s moving in slow fucking motion, the gun clattering onto the ground from her hand. I can feel the stinging across my knuckles where they split open, but I ignore the pain, focusing on the woman I love and the wonderful celebration I have possibly ruined for everyone around me.

Was it smart to beat the bastard to a pulp in the middle of a celebration, especially after just getting out of jail only a few months ago? Probably fucking not.

On the one hand, the bastard had it coming. He dared to lay a fucking hand on my woman, and he even went so far as to threaten the children in my care.

On the other hand…I wasn’t planning for him to die, at least not by her hands and in front of the entire community. What if they throw us both in jail? Or worse, they throw us out, leave us to the walkers outside the gates?

So, no it probably wasn’t worth the little show I put on. But it was definitely fucking satisfying.

I run towards her, watching as her eyes roll back in her skull and she falls towards the hard asphalt below. She slumps to the ground just as I reach for her, cradling her head in my lap as I call her name.

Alisana, my sweet angel in a beautifully sinful body. A mouth full of sass and the skills to put even the best fighters to shame. But, as I hold her to me, whispering her name as I brush the hair from her eyes, she has no sass to give. Her beautiful lips don’t move, her bruised and swollen eyes shut tight over those beautiful baby blues, and all I can think is, _I wish I had hit that fucker harder_.


	2. Alexandria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story will have dialogue and events from The Walking Dead TV show, specifically seasons 9 and 10. This is your spoiler alert (lol) if you haven't seen these seasons and don't want anything spoiled for you, then go watch it now. I will not be held responsible for spoiling the show for you. If you don't want spoilers, then go watch the show first, all or most of the episodes should be on Netflix by now.

CHAPTER 1

**Alisana**

The world didn’t end in a ball of fire or any of the other ways people imagined it would, but it went to shit, nonetheless.

It started with people getting sick. Fever ran rampant, killing thousands upon thousands of people within a span of only a few weeks. Then the dead began to rise, and I saw my opening.

You see, the life I thought I would have had been flushed years before. My plans for a happy life with a loving husband and two kids never had the chance to happen. Mostly because I’m an idiot and a bad judge of character, but I digress.

My ex fiancé had a penchant for booze, drugs, and women who weren’t me. He was abusive, manipulative, and just fucking evil.

If you ask my family, they would say it was my tender heart that made me give him too many chances, my willingness to fix broken things that made me soft to his manipulative ways. If you ask me, I believe it was just a bad time in my life where I needed an escape and he was that escape for a while.

I took the threats, the cheating, the drinking and drug use with no complaints, hoping I could still help him. It wasn’t until he turned his cruelty on my family and our children that I finally said enough was enough and ran.

My little Patty was a few months from his first birthday when Bryan, in a drunken rage, attacked my aunt and grandmother in front of him. I was six months pregnant at the time, but I jumped in anyway, trying my best to stop him until the cops could get there.

He had my aunt pinned to the hood of my car when I jumped on his back. I put him in a headlock just long enough for my aunt to escape back inside. I wish I had choked the life out of him that day, but the cops came. They had to tase him twice before they could get him inside the cruiser. I was in shock; I didn’t know what to do, so when he called me from jail, I foolishly answered.

That call was another nail in the coffin of our relationship. He didn’t apologize. He didn’t try to explain himself. His only concern was the drugs that were missing out of his pocket when he was booked and when I didn’t reply to his request, I was deemed useless just before he hung up on me.

He got off lightly. Put on probation for a year and forced to pay for the damages he had made. He wasn’t allowed back at the house, but he still came to see our second son’s birth.

I thought, maybe he’s changing, maybe this time it will be different. I was wrong.

Four months after Nik’s birth, my brother and his friend finally opened up to me. Ryan had been cheating on me with another woman, taking care of her kids, living with her. I was livid. I felt betrayed. But, most of all, I felt heartbroken for my children.

It was apparent to me that, after seeing the pictures of Bryan and this woman, they would never have a father that truly cared about them. He only ever cared about one thing. Himself.

So, I left him. Called him up and dumped him on the spot, and that’s when the truth finally came out.

“Doesn’t matter to me if you leave. You were just a worthless piece of shit, anyway. Hope you have fun raising those poor excuses for sons by yourself, bitch. They will never amount to much, anyway. By the way, don’t even think of filing for child support. You try to take my money and I will kill you. You got that, bitch?”

So, life continued on. I dealt with the threats and bullshit a time. Constant torment until the law put a stop to it, but when the law got involved, so did the courts. They filed for child support without my consent, forcing him to pay even though I told them I didn’t want his money.

“It’s the law ma’am. There’s nothing you can do, but accept the help you are given.”

So, here I am reminiscing over how my life has gone to shit. My children screaming and crying because they are now being forced to see their dad every other weekend. They don’t want to go, but I have no choice now that Bryan has forced my hand. He uses his weekends with them to make my life miserable. They come home filthy and ill, confused and angry because they don’t understand why mommy makes them go to that house.

My strong little Nik takes it in stride, putting a brave face on and making the most of it. But, Pat remembers. He remembers the day his daddy tried to hurt his aunt and the police took him away. Remembers the times daddy yelled and threatened mommy with his fists. And it hurts him.

So, when the dead began to rise and the monsters took over the world, my family and I hatched a plan.

“You need to go, Ali. Take the kids and go to the mountains. We are gonna meet up with your brother on base in Virginia.”

My lip trembles at the thought of leaving my family defenseless until they reach the Naval base in Norfolk. I’m not a pushover anymore, all the shit I worked through forced me to take drastic measures. I took classes, I know how to kill a man 100 times over and without a sound and am equipped to do so at all times. But, they are right. Bryan will think I’m with them. He will waste his time following, while I escape with the kids.

Nodding with agreement, I walk into the kids room and rouse them gently. “Come on boys. We need to go. It’s not safe here anymore.”

Pat wakes first. “Momma? What’s wrong?” His voice wakes Nik, stretching and rubbing the sleep from his eyes as they wait for my answer.

“Nothing’s wrong, baby. We are just moving for a little while to stay safe from the monsters outside.” I card my fingers through Pat’s blonde hair, smiling gently to keep him calm before repeating the action with Nik.

I help them to pack their things, only taking the essentials. My family will take the rest in hopes that we will meet up later.

It’s still dark out when I load the kids and our supplies into the car. The predawn is quiet and eerie as we say our tearful goodbyes.

“We will see you soon. Roxy and Andrew will keep us safe until I can get us to Virginia.” I smile reassuringly as I hug my mother. She has tears in her eyes, but she refuses to cry, unwilling to upset the kids. I’m grateful for that.

Jumping into the driver’s seat, I call out to my brother through the open window. “Left you half of my blades. Mathias can teach you how to use them once you reach the base. Stay safe.”

I caught his nod and wave as I pulled from the driveway and headed west, chasing the moon and our freedom.

__________9 years later__________

_Mercy for the lost. Vengeance for the plunderers. _The faded words upon the sign echoed in my head. This had to be it. How many other places in the word would have a sign like that?

“Stop right there.”

The female voice caught my attention. Facing up to the corrugated metal wall, high above my head, I was shocked by the sight of the woman with dreads and beautiful ebony skin. The pommel of a katana was visible over her shoulder, making me smile. This had to be the place.

I shielded my eyes from the bright sun and called out to her from below. “Is this Alexandria?”

Her eyes were filled with suspicion, but she nodded. “It is. Who are you?”

“Name’s Alisana. Are you Michonne, by chance?” I held my breath, hoping that I wasn’t wrong. Praying that I would be welcome. We had nowhere else to go if we weren’t.

Her eyes narrowed with suspicion before glancing to the forest at my back. “Who else is with you?”

I froze, fear gripping my heart as I realized she knew my secret. If things went south now, it wouldn’t just be my life on the line, but I decided to take that chance. Turning to look over my shoulder, I motioned for Nik and Pat to join me.

“Just my sons.” Reaching out to them, I pulled them into the shadow of my body, shielding them as best I could from any potential danger.

The woman on the wall stared at us for a moment, seeming to weigh her options before a small voice called out from the gate ahead of us.

“Just let them in already, momma.”

A little girl, looking to be around the same age as my boys, stepped up to the gate and smiled at us. “You’re the lady from the radio a few days ago, aren’t you?”

I sighed in relief before returning her smile. “Yep, that’s me. You must be Judith. Morgan told me a lot about you. Though, I believe you were still a baby when he last saw you.”

She giggled a bit, dimples showing on her cheeks as the gate began to slide open.

Michonne walked up to me, followed by two others, patting us all down and removing our weapons before leading us through the gate and into their walls.

The boys and I paused, gaping at our surroundings. The town was much larger than Morgan had described to us. But, then again, seven years would do that to a place.

A large windmill stands to one side, overlooking fields of crops and a multitude of buildings and people.

Eyes shifted our way, glancing over my children and I with varying levels of concern and intrigue as we walked along behind Michonne and her entourage.

The trek was short as we were led into a building at the center of town and told to take a seat before the long table at the front.

Nik and Pat sat quietly to either side of me, exhausted from our long journey from the south. It took us a full year to reach this place, following Morgan’s route as well as we could, while dodging people and walkers alike.

Luckily, my kids had become pros at staying safe in the apocalypse. Guess all of that weapons training before the end of the world helped me more than I ever thought it would. Add on the few years we spent living with Roxy and Andrew and my kids were downright lethal when they needed to be.

Exhaling, I struggled not to fall asleep as we waited for Michonne to return. Luckily, we didn’t have to wait long before she entered the room again.

She was followed by six others. The first was a striking man in a priest’s outfit, of all things, it struck me as a bit of a funny choice as he also wore a large blade on his hip. His eyes landed on the three of us and I was astonished by what I saw. How could a man, half-blind as he was, survive so long? It made me wonder how it had happened, but I suppressed the need to question as the others entered the room behind him.

The man with the metal arm seemed to catch Nik’s attention the most, as he hadn’t taken his eyes off of the prosthetic since he had entered the room. The man’s eyes were kind as he noticed my boy’s fascination and it made me happy to know that, at least he would be willing to go easy on my children.

The group took their seats at the large table in front of us before the priest stood to introduce them all.

“My name is Gabriel, miss Alisana. I am Head of the Alexandrian council, and co-leader of the Coalition.”

I smiled sweetly, trying not to let confusion show on my face. Morgan hadn’t mentioned any of this. “It’s nice to make your acquaintance, sir.”

Nodding politely, he continued, pointing out each individual as he named them. “Likewise. These are my fellow council members, Aaron, Siddiq, Laura, Nora, Kyle, and Michonne.”

Gesturing to my sons, I introduced them as well. Hoping they would use the manners that I had tried to teach them over the years, but not betting on it. “This is my eldest, Patton, he’s 13. And Nikolas over there is 11.” Both boys waved, Nik being more enthusiastic than his brother, as was his way. This caused the man, Gabriel, to chuckle a bit before moving on in his questions.

His voice was kind and his smile serene as he spoke to the three of us, sharing small smiles with my children as he spoke. Despite his demeanor, nerves coursed through my body as I realized the situation had put us all in.

This was an interview. And if I failed, there was no telling what would happen to us.

About fifteen minutes in, there was a knock on the door, a creak of hinges being the only warning. “Sorry, for the interruption guys, but I was wondering if I could get permission to-” The voice coming from the door caused my body to freeze as tears blurred my vision.

“Ali? Ali, i-is that r-really you?” My body began to shake when I heard my name. My name, from a voice I was scared that I had forgotten and would never hear again.

I turned slowly, afraid to move to quickly and wake up from the dream I was sure to be having at this moment, before locking eyes with my little brother.

Tears began to spill from my eyes as I stood, blurring my vision even further before I launched myself across the room and into my brother’s arms.

He squeezed me tightly before holding me at an arms length away and looking all over me, overprotective as always. I rolled my eyes before smacking him on the arm. “How you doing, Greg? You big dummy.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks even as he rubbed the new sore spot on his shoulder. “Better, even though you still hit too fucking hard.”

“What can I say? It comes in handy nowadays.” I shrugged, smirking at him before turning back to the crowd watching from the rest of the room. Looks of astonished confusion populated the majority of faces in the room, all except for Gabriel’s. He fairly beamed at us before turning to the rest of the council.

“Well, that’s all the evidence I need.” He stood, dismissing the other members before turning back to us. “Alisana, you and your children are welcome to stay in Alexandria for as long as you wish. We can discuss the terms of your position in the community after you have settled in.”

Turning to my brother, Gabriel gave another bright smile. “Gregory, I am glad you have finally found your sister. It is good that you never lost your faith in finding her, even after all of these years.” With those words, Gabriel left, closing the door behind him.

Turning to the boys, I motioned them to come closer as they hadn’t moved an inch since their uncle had entered the room. They seemed to be in shock, causing new tears to prick my eyes as confusion and happiness warred on their faces.

I didn’t blame them for being wary. They had grown up in the apocalypse after all, but it seemed all they needed was a word from my brother before they were snapped out of it. “Hey, big guys. Wow, you two have grown so much.”

Kneeling to the ground, my brother caught both boys in his arms as they barreled into him, tears and snot running until they cried themselves to exhaustion.

Once asleep, we packed them to the house and laid them into one of the beds before going back to the living room to talk.

“How did you all fare after we left that day?” It may have been about nine years ago, but I didn’t have to explain what I meant. That day had been hard on all of us.

Greg’s sad sigh and tearful gaze made fresh tears form as I prepared to cope with the loss I had been avoiding thoughts of for the last few years. But this was a question I had to have the answer to. I had to know what happened after that day.

Who did we lose and was I really, finally free?


	3. Strays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying something new with this fic by switching POV between chapters. So, this chapter will be in Negan’s POV. I hope you enjoy it. *SPOILER ALERT: Dialogue from the tv show is used in this chapter.*

CHAPTER 2

**Negan**

It didn’t take long for me to hear of the new addition to Alexandria. All the residents were abuzz with speculation as they walked by my cell window, forgetting that I was inside listening to everything they said.

And after a few conversations with Judith, and more than a few mutterings about how badass this girl was from the rumor mill… well, you could say, I was more than eager to make a judgement for myself. Too bad I’m stuck in this damned cell for the foreseeable future.

Frustrated to no end at being denied a glimpse, I sat at the base of my window, tossing a ball against the far wall as I waited for Gabriel to come in for his daily “pep talk”. A cocky smirk crossed my features. Maybe I could pump old Gabe for the info I wanted. Hell, it’s worth a try in my book. At least the banter with the priest will distract me for a while.

____________________

It took a few weeks of waiting, but I was finally graced with her presence. I was sitting by the window, helping Judith with some of her homework when a shadow fell across my face.

Glancing up, I couldn’t help but smile. This was her. The new girl, woman, I should say because she is definitely a woman.

“Hey, Judith. You’re late for your weapon’s training with the boys.” The smile on Judith’s face was enough to make me want to melt, if there was one thing in this world I loved more than Lucille, it was that girl’s smile.

She gave a cute squeal and stood. “Thanks Miss Ali, I almost forgot.” Turning back towards me, she waved happily as she jumped down from the stairs. “Bye Negan, I’ll see you later.”

“See you later, Judith.” I called out to her retreating form. “Don’t forget that trick I told you about. It will give you an edge.”

The woman observed as Judith skipped away, smiling eyes following the girl’s path down the road ahead. I cleared my throat, trying to get her attention. Catching the sight of her rolling eyes as she turned back towards me, hands on her hips.

“So, the new girl is trusted by the almighty Michonne? That’s something I never thought I would see.” I smiled my most winning smile from between the bars.

“I highly doubt, Michonne would appreciate you chatting with her daughter.” Her expression was disapproving, but it only made my grin grow wider, more cocky as I tried to get a rise out of the woman in front of me.

“Well excuse the hell out of me darlin’. I take whatever little bit of conversation I can get at this point. Anyway, I was helping her out with some homework. No harm done.”

She rolled her eyes again before turning to leave. Calling out to her, I decided to take a chance, and turned on all the charm I possessed.

“You though, Miss Alisana, I will look forward to the next damn time we speak.”

It took a few weeks and a multitude of one-sided conversations before Ali opened up to me and even thus, she had been standoffish and quick to tell me off. I liked that about her.

She was a caring mother that doted on her boys and Judith easily, but she didn’t take anyone’s shit. Not even mine, though that only made me want to prod at her buttons even more. Alisana was a puzzle, a hardened woman much like Michonne, but there was something inside that she kept close to her heart. Hidden from the outside world with walls made of steel.

Until, one day those walls began to crumble and I saw something I never thought I would see in her eyes. Fear.

____________________

“Airplane ‘A’ and airplane ‘B’ are one thousand miles apart. If airplane ‘A’ is flying east at five hundred miles per hour and airplane ‘B’ is flying west at six hundred and fifty miles per hour, how-”

Judith’s voice came through clear as a tinkling little bell as she read off yet another math problem from the stairs outside my window. I stood, patiently impatient, trying not to fidget or be a smart ass as I waited for her to get to the point, but sometimes that was too hard for me.

“You know what? I would definitely recommend booking a seat on airplane ‘C,’ because that is shaping up to be one hell of a mid-air collision.” I smiled, waiting for the smart mouthed reply I was sure to receive from the little tike, and as always, she didn’t disappoint. Though her voice was a bit more downtrodden than usual.

“You gonna help me or what?”

I chuckled. “Alright. Let me ask you somethin’. You ever seen an airplane fly in any direction at any speed?”

A haughty “No” was her reply. I pressed on. “Do you think you ever will?”

Judith paused. “Probably not.”

Deciding to impart some knowledge from my teaching days and to get to the thing that had really been on her mind throughout our little tutoring session, I continued pressing her. “So, what the hell difference does it make? See, math problems are supposed to apply to the real world. You want my help? Give me a question or a problem from right here, right now.”

She paused again, taking a quiet breath before closing her book and beginning to fiddle with the small figure in her hand. “You know the strangers we brought here yesterday? My mom’s gonna make them leave.”

A bit of shock ran through me and I rocked back on my heels a bit. I wasn’t really expecting that to be what was bothering the girl. Though if I had truly thought about it, she had a big heart. So, seeing her mom kick out people that she had chosen to save probably would have been a bit harder on her that it would be on the others living in Alexandria. Especially since she was so young.

“Well, no, I didn’t know, but let me guess. You being you, you wanna help ‘em.”

“I found ‘em. I brought ‘em here.” There was no hesitation in her voice, only sincerity and a bit of hurt at her feelings not being considered in Michonne’s decision on the newcomers.

I understood her feelings, but there were some things she needed to learn about the world today. Not all people were safe like Ali and her sons had been. Sometimes, you had be cautious when dealing with matters like this, I had found this fact out the hard way a long time ago.

“Lemme tell you something. When I was about your age, I used to bring home stray dogs. My mom, she hated it. I never understood why. They always seemed so friendly and grateful. Till one day I brought home the wrong dog.”

“What happened? Did it bite you?” Her voice was curious and she turned to listen as I finished the story.

“Not me. That dog killed all the other strays, chewed off half my mom’s ear when she tried to stop it. The thing is, that dog seemed just as friendly and grateful as the rest of ‘em.”

She turned away, playing with her toy again. She rolled it around in her palms thoughtfully. “And what about after that?” I smiled, anticipating her next question before she asked it. “You ever bring home another dog?”

“Well, hell no. I wised my ass up.”

“Yeah.” She closed her book, beginning to stand from her seat on the stairs. “And look how great everything turned out for you.”

Shocked at her icy tone and abrupt departure, I turned to face her through the bars. “Wait a minute. Where you going? I thought you wanted my help.”

Again her tone was closed off and cold. She continued to pack her things. “I do, but just with math.”

Her sudden switch in attitude intrigued me. I didn’t understand why she was mad, at first. Or whether she was just mad at me or the world in that moment. “Why just math?”

Judith stood on the stairs, Carl’s hat shading her face from the sun and her auburn braid hanging to one side as she stared down at me. “Because it doesn’t matter if you’re a good or bad person on the inside. The numbers don’t care.”

I stood there, stunned for a moment as she left me alone with her words floating through my mind. A smile curved the corner of my mouth as the sound of a closing door followed her departure. It appeared she wasn’t only concerned with the wellbeing of these new people she had saved. She really was too sweet for her own good, but I would have to think about that later.

The scuffing of boots came only seconds later as Ali walked to the house, coming to collect Judith for practice, as per usual. She didn’t pay me any mind as she climbed the stairs to call for Judith, but I noted the tightness in her features. There were faint bruises underneath her eyes, as if she hadn’t slept in days and her steps were heavy and slow, so extremely unlike the woman I had come to know.

Judith had left without even a wave. I let her go. Sure she was mad for now, but I perceived she wouldn’t stay that way for long. And I had someone just as important to worry about standing a few feet away from my window.

Ali appeared as if she wanted to run, but her body was refusing to move. I could see the struggle within her tense posture and tired features. She wanted to talk, but was too scared to ask. So, when Judith was far enough away, I decided to do the asking. “Ali? Are you okay?”

I spoke softly as not to catch any unwanted attention from passersby. Tired blue eyes landed on mine and the full force of emotion in them made my chest hurt. There was so much pain there, but she denied it. Trying to bottle it up like always. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. The fact that you didn’t just roll your damn eyes at me is all the evidence I need to know something is wrong.” My words were soft, but the bite in my reprimanding tone was enough to make that familiar eye roll appear again.

I was half expecting her to tell me to “fuck off” before she left in a huff, as would be the norm. But, to my surprise, she sat on the steps with a sigh before finally opening up.

“My boys noticed, too. Guess I’m just too easy to read today.” A deprecating chuckle escaped her lips before she put her head down, cradling it in her hands as another sigh escaped her pert lips.

“You know, that story you told Judith… about the strays? Guess you and I aren’t so different in that regard. I made the mistake of bringing the wrong stray home once, too. It didn’t turn out much better for me either.”

I stayed quiet, looking through the bars as I waited for her to either continue, or leave. I wasn’t known as a man with much patience, muscling my way through a conversation, annoying the hell out of people until I got them to talk. That’s just the way I rolled, but this time was different.

I wanted Alisana to come to me. Refusing to push her into something she wasn’t ready to talk about and have her shut down on me. I wanted to make her comfortable around me, help her to open up a bit more.

And when she finally did, it was not what I had been expecting. She told me about her past. How she and her children were treated by her ex. How it had left her with an extreme case of PTSD that, even after all of this time, would still rear its ugly head. It seemed that today had to be one of the worst days Ali had had in a long time, she was stressed to the point of breaking and nothing seemed to help.

She told me about the flashes of the past that had tormented her all through the night and into the morning, the stalking, the threats, the mocking and hateful things he said to her and the kids that bombarding her heart and mind.

The conversation stretched over an hour, and I listened. I didn’t offer sympathetic words, or butt in with my opinion, just listened and waited for her to spill her guts to me. And by the time she had finished, I was seeing red and she seemed too embarrassed to even glance my way.

It wasn’t a surprise with how quiet I had been the whole time. And when she finally did look to me, it appeared as if she was surprised to still see me there.

Staring into those sad blue eyes made me want to bash her ex’s head in with Lucille. Who in their right fucking mind would ever do something so horrible to a woman so amazing and badass?

I could sense the hold on my anger slipping little by little as I imagined beating the prick to a pulp with my bare hands before putting a bullet through his skull. But it seemed like the longer we sat, the more uncomfortable she grew.

Ali shifted on the stairs, turning away from me before her quiet apology reached my ears. “Sorry, Negan. I didn’t mean to word vomit all over you.”

Staring at her back, ramrod straight on the staircase, she wrung her hands. _Wait…. does she think I’m angry with her? Well, that just won’t fucking do!_

“Alisana, look at me.” She jumped at my less-than-gentle tone, refusing to turn at first. So, I waited her out. Giving her a chance to turn back to me before continuing. I watched the blue of her eyes shift over the stairs, looking at everything but me.

“I promise, I will never be mad at you for telling me how you feel. If anything, I am mad at that fucker for ever daring to do such horrible shit to you, and if I ever meet that son of a bitch, I’ll gut him like the coward he is.” My voice was quiet with underlying tones of rage, words becoming more and more rough as I voiced my anger to her.

When she shivered, her blue eyes darting up to connect with mine, I realized we were both in trouble. There was a spark there. A spark that said she would love to see that happen, but with the right encouragement, she wouldn’t even need me to do it. This woman was a fucking badass to her core and I wanted nothing more than to experience that fire myself. I only hoped I would be able to get out of this cell long enough to have such a chance.

____________________

“You know, I read something fascinating the other day. You know what a smell is?” I was handcuffed to the bars of my cell as the Priest, aka One-Eyed Gabe, lifted my bedpan from the floor. Cleaning up my shit had become part of his daily routine. Literally. I guess I should’ve felt sorry for the guy, but I couldn’t help but push his buttons. “It’s when odor molecules activate neurons in your nasal passages. So every time you come in here to change my bedpan and smell my shit, something that was actually in my ass goes right up your nose.”

“Shut up.” I smirked. Yep, it was just too easy to get to him.

He turned to me, focusing his scowl on my trussed up form against the metal bars. His eyes… or eye was focused on me and I just couldn’t help myself. “I’m sorry. I never know exactly which eye I’m supposed to look at. It’s a little bit distracting.”

“Just. Shut. Up. For once in your life, shut your damn mouth.” It stunned me for a moment, not expecting such vitriol to come from his mouth. Sure I was being a grade A asshole, but he usually took it all in stride. But, he wasn’t done yet.

“I keep scratching at you. I keep trying to figure out what’s underneath it all, ‘cause I think, if I dig deep enough, I’ll find a person. Someone I can help. But I never do. All I find is more-” He stopped, throwing his hands up in exasperation before turning to walk away. Caving, I felt more worried for one of the only people who talked to me these days. No, I wouldn’t necessarily consider him a friend but I was still human. I still cared about people.

“What happened?” He paused in the doorway to my cell as my whispered words met him, taking a deep breath.

He didn’t turn to answer me, preferring not to face me as he spilled his guts. “Rosita’s at Hilltop. I sent her out, and she got hurt. The messenger doesn’t know what happened or how bad it is. And I can’t go to help her because I have to be here with you. Because somebody has to stay behind to be responsible for you.”

Well, that made me feel like a sack of shit. Fuck, why did I have to care so much. These people hated me, but I still cared about their problems for some reason. I sighed, offering my apologies with sincerity and regret.

“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know.” He shook his head, stopping my apology. Shrugging it off as if it meant nothing.

“Don’t. It’s bad enough I gotta clean up your shit, I shouldn’t have to listen to it, too.” And with that final dig, Gabriel stormed out of Alexandria’s makeshift prison. He slammed the gate closed behind him, his accompanying guard moving to uncuff my hands from the bars.

I sighed lightly, pulling away from the bars with a small shake of my shoulders. The disappointment churning in my gut made me even angrier. Not at Gabe, but myself. How could I not have seen? Was I really so ingrained in my bullshit ways that I couldn’t just be helpful?

I listened to the guard leave to follow Gabriel, no doubt to take care of more of their council business. I didn’t bother to turn when I heard her voice come from outside my cell window a few moments later.

“Wow, Negan. You really riled old Gabriel up this time. Mind if I come in? Got some books for ya.” She didn’t wait for a reply, just came down the stairs and through the door without a care in the world. As if she wasn’t entering the den of a monster.

“What do you want, Ali?” My voice was cold, making her pause before rolling her eyes in her normal reply to my attitude.

“I told you, Negan. I brought you some books. Finished them a few days ago and was wondering if you would want to check them ou-”

“Not interested.” I slumped onto my cot. Yes, I was pouting like a fucking child, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I had royally fucked up today, and I wasn’t in much of a mood for her chipper attitude.

“Wow. Somebody is down on himself today. What’s wrong? Didn’t get enough prunes in your old man diet?”

She giggled when I leveled her an irritated scowl, raising her hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. You win, big guy. I’ll just leave the books out here for whenever you decide to get over yourself.”

Alisana placed the books on the floor, just outside my cell bars and walked towards the door that would lead her outside. Reaching for the knob, she tossed me a smile over her shoulder and a small wave before leaving me there, alone with my thoughts. Again.

By the time night fell, I was utterly bored with my own company. Ali’s books sat on the cot, unopened out of sheer stubbornness. And since I was in a stubborn mood, I had decided to sit my miserable ass on the floor of my cell and play a bit of wall ball.

The sound of the dingy green tennis ball, another gift from Ali, bouncing had put me in a bit of a trance over the past hour or so. It bounced from the wall, hitting the floor with a quiet thump before bounding back into my hand to start the trip all over again. At least it was relaxing, but now I was beginning to get bored.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it was that small lapse in focus that caused me to miss my target on the next throw. The ball went wide, bouncing through the bars of my cell and just out of my reach.

I sighed. “Oh. Well, shit.” The wind began to rush outside as I drug my hands over my face. Thunder rumbled in the distance and I looked through the bars at the bastard ball as if it was the cause of all my troubles.

It was in that moment that I discerned something amiss. There was a metallic, rattling sound coming from the door of my cell. Upon further inspection, I saw that the door was shaking on its hinges. I stood, walking slowly to the door with mild hope and trepidation tripping in my heart.

It couldn’t be. There was no way I could be that lucky without it being a trap, and if it wasn’t a trap, then who would be so careless? Gabriel? Surely not, unless he just didn’t latch it completely when he left in a huff earlier.

Reaching out, I decided to bite the proverbial bullet and gave the door a push. It swung open without resistance, creaking loudly in the night air. I took three more steps, cautiously hoping that I wasn’t hallucinating from the boredom that was now my life.

Taking a few breaths, I finally exited the cell. Bending down to pick up the tennis ball, I had a brilliant idea overtake me. Tossing the ball in the air, I looked at it fondly as a smile crawled across my features.

Thanks, Ali. Couldn’t have done it without ya. Flipping the ball back behind me, I exited my makeshift prison and joined the sounds of the night outside.

Crickets were chirping as I made my way up the stairs, finally seeing the sky in its full glory and without the confines of that tiny ass window. It was amazing, but I had to keep my wits about me. Couldn’t get caught after only just getting free.

I proceeded with caution. Keeping to the shadows as best I could to keep from being seen. I smiled as I looked up to the windmill in the center of the now bustling community. I had to admit, it was pretty damn glorious to see in this era of the world. I made my way into the fields surrounding it, picking a few vegetables along the way. I even stopped to eat a particularly nice looking tomato. It was fucking delicious.

I made my way to a cart next, planning on pilfering its contents for a weapon. Just in case I needed one. It was then that I spotted the houses. All of them were similar in their structures, but there were only two that I was interested in in that moment.

Shovel in hand, I approached the houses and headed inside the more familiar of the two. I travelled up the stairs and through a door on the second floor landing. Opening the door, I noted its emptiness and a picture hung on the wall. It was a child’s drawing. One that said, “My family is always with me” and pictured stick figured drawings of Judith, Rick, Michonne, and Carl. I paused, staring at it a while before seeing another item. It appeared to be a pocket watch on a string, one I had seen Carl carry when he was alive. Going on a hunch, I took the thing and moved on to the other house I had seen.

This house was occupied for the night, Ali was slumped on her couch in the living room when I entered. The faint light of the moon illuminated her form, an open book sat on her coffee table. I froze when she shifted, mumbling something barely intelligible, but to my ears it sounded like “old man”. I scoffed, even in her dreams she couldn’t help but rag on me.

A breeze from the open door caused her to shiver, and she tried to curl into a ball on the cushions of the sofa. Smirking, I retrieved the blanket from the back of the couch and covered her with it.

“What would you do without me?” I stroked a hand through her hair, I couldn’t stop myself even if I wanted to. There was a fairly big chance that I wouldn’t be coming back, and I wasn’t going to leave without getting to touch her at least once, even if it was stupid.

I froze when she shifted deeper into my touch, sighing my name as she settled back into a deep sleep. Slowly pulling my hand away, I ran it through my own hair before leaving the house and the girl that occupied my waking thoughts behind me. It was time to leave, take my freedom on the road for a while.

As I rummaged through a few more places in Alexandria, gathering supplies I would need, I began to wonder why freedom seemed so lonely.


	4. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *SPOILER ALERT: Dialogue from the tv show is used in this chapter.*  
Thanks so much for all of your comments and kudos. I'm so happy to hear from all of you. It makes my day to see how much you all are enjoying my story. Please, continue to support me and share your opinions and reactions with me, they make my days so much brighter.

CHAPTER 3

**Alisana**

It had taken only a few conversations more before I realized that I considered Negan a friend. Yes, the things he had done were monstrous, but he appeared a changed man to my mind, and he simply adored Judith and the boys.

So, it came as a surprise to find Judith sitting out on the porch one day, her head in her hands and a worried look in her eyes.

“Hey, Judith. What’s left you so down in the dumps?” She looked up at me with confusion on her cute little face.

“What do you think about Negan?”

Her question caught me off guard and I took a seat next to her, interlacing my fingers as I tried to find a way to explain what I thought about the man. Judith was a smart girl, young in age but wise beyond her years, so I told her what would be most important for her to know. The truth.

“I think he’s… different. He’s not the same man that everyone around here believes he is. I expect if everyone were willing to give him a chance, like you and I have, they might be able to see that too.” She smiled up at me, happy with my answer before an expression of sadness crossed her features once more and a tear fell from her eye.

I pulled her into a hug, worry beginning to churn in my gut. “Honey, tell me what’s wrong. Why are you crying?”

Judith settled into my embrace, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist as she murmured words into my chest. My shirt muffled them, but there was no mistaking her words. “Negan is gone. He left this morning…. and I let him go. Am- am I a bad person?”

Shock ran through my body, followed swiftly by sadness and a hint of anger. _How the hell could he do something so damned foolish? And leaving the poor girl here to wonder and worry? I’m gonna kick his ass when I find him._

Giving Judith a tight squeeze, I held her back at an arms length away and waited until she met my gaze. “Judith, you are not a bad person. You are caring, and kind, and special in every single way. You hearing me?”

I stroked her chestnut colored hair from her eyes, earning a smile and a little nod from the sweet angel. “Good. Now, I want you to do me a favor. Don’t tell anyone about Negan being gone. If someone finds out on their own, so be it, but don’t tell anyone. I’m gonna go find him and try to talk some sense into him. Okay, hun?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Rising up with a little groan, I began to stretch, pulling my arms above my head. “Alright now, be a sweetheart and go about your training and school with the boys for me? It shouldn’t take me too long to find the old jerk.”

Judith let loose a cute giggle at the name calling and I smiled down at her, giving her a wink for good measure. “Run along and get ready for school, okay?”

Patting the sweet girl on her shoulder, I walked out into the foggy morning, headed for the armory to suit up. A frown slid onto my face as another pang of betrayal tried to wrap around my heart. _Why would he just leave like that? I thought we were getting somewhere with our friendship._

A sad sigh escaped my lips as I entered the small armory, grabbing a small satchel of bullets, a pistol, and silencer out of a case in the back of the building. I didn’t enjoy using guns, preferring my dual blades, or my throwing knives for taking out the dead, but it was better to be over prepared than under these days. And despite what I felt I knew of him, there was no way I would take any chances with Negan free to roam. If it came down to it, I knew I would not hesitate to kill the man. Especially if it meant I would live to see my kids again.

Determination surged through my body and a small bit of anger pumped in my veins. No matter what Negan did, or where he went after I found him. I was definitely kicking his ass before the day was through.

____________________

It took only a few hours to find the ruins of the sanctuary. The place looked like shit, bullet holes peppering the walls and busted windows everywhere. The stories from the past written on the metal walls of the Savior’s former home.

It seemed, Negan hadn’t reached the place yet, I could hear only the sounds of a few dead. So, I did the only thing I could think of.

The old warehouse was even worse on the inside, but it didn’t take long to find a secure place to wait out the heat of the day. “At least it’s cooler in here.”

The sound of doors opening and a whistle echoing through the otherwise empty building alerted me to his presence. I watched quietly from my hiding place as he wandered through, he looked like the man everyone feared from before. Black leather jacket stretched over wide shoulders as bravado just oozed from his sauntering strut through the old space. So stuck in my observation of him as I was, I jolted when a crashing sound came from down the hall, just barely resisting the urge to scream in fear.

Ducking back behind a wall, I breathed deep to calm my pounding heart. Then, I heard his deep voice echo through the silence. “Big Richie, is that you?”

His voice was like gravel, full of some emotion I couldn’t place as he spoke to the walker that banged against the metal door. “Look at you. Loyal to the end.”

That smile he wore gave me a sick sense of foreboding. _Was this what he wanted? Undying loyalty?_ Just the image of that pissed me off, so much that I couldn’t help but say something.

Stepping into the center of the room, I crossed my arms defensively, a scowl firmly seated on my face. “Is it everything you wanted, Negan?”

He turned on his heel, metal pipe clenched in his fist like a baseball bat. Like _the_ bat, until his face and body relaxed, recognizing who I was.

A grin spread across his face, pissing me off even more. “Hey there, Ali. Hope you didn’t come here to get me, I was just settling in.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes in that familiar way that just seemed to urge him on. “What are you doing, Negan?”

He sighed, looking to the ground as he spoke. “I’m sorry, Ali. There was no way I could handle being in that cell anymore. I needed a way out and when Gabriel forgot to lock the cell after he left yesterday, I had to take a chance.”

“A chance on what? There’s nothing out here for you-”

His head snapped up, eyes boring into mine. “There’s nothing in there for me either, Ali!” His voice was quiet when he snapped, but the words stung like a whip.

I wanted to yell as my blood began to boil, but my heart was hurting. I hoped he would be smarter than this, thought he could recognize what had been going on between him and Judith. And between us.

My eyes burned, but I refused to let any tears fall. He wouldn’t cave for tears, anyway. But, words meant a lot to him, always did. “Is it that you can’t see it? Or that you just don’t want to?”

He looked at me with confusion. “See what, Ali?”

I shook my head before turning to walk back outside. I ambled, measuring the sound of his footsteps as they followed behind me. Arriving at the doors at the far wall, I moved onto the outer landing and waited, leaning against the faded yellow railing until he joined me.

“That little girl cares about you. You left one of the few people that cares about you behind and it worried her. She was scared to death when I found her on the steps this morning.”

A hitch in Negan’s breathing was the only indication that he had heard me, so I soldiered on, filling the silence that he refused to fill himself.

“She asked me what I thought about you and I told her. I told her that I thought you were different, a better person than you led on to be. A kind and caring person despite what you had done in the past. I couldn’t bare to hear her cry and worry about your sorry ass so I promised to find you and get you to see reason.” I sighed when he continued to stay silent.

“But, it’s really just up to you, Negan. You’re an adult… sometimes.” I smirked when he scoffed at my teasing. “Whether or not you come back, I just wanted you to know that there are some people that care about you in Alexandria. And I hope you will have enough sense to make the right choice here because as soon as someone notices that you’re missing, they will hunt you down. I would hate to see you get hurt.”

With that final statement, I left Negan there. Remaining like a leather-clad statue against the railing, he watched as I rode away on my horse, back home. He never said a word, but I could see that he was considering his options. Now all that was left to do was wait.

____________________

Arriving in Alexandria empty-handed was not the best feeling, especially when I had to break the news to Judith. Her eyes were so clouded with sadness and disappointment that I couldn’t help but want to go back to kick Negan’s old ass like I had threatened.

Desiring to make Judith feel better, I decided to have some girl-time with her. She had been pretty lonely since Michonne left for Hilltop a few days ago, and now Negan was gone, too. So, when she was supposed to be training with the boys, I took her with me under the guise of some solo practice, but really we just went out on a ride.

On a lap around Alexandria’s territory, we picked up the sound of a motorcycle engine coming up the road. Leading our horses into the trees, we waited to learn who the rider was. A smug grin crossed my face when I saw the leather jacket waving in the wind behind the man. But, Judith had another idea.

She stepped out into the middle of the road, training her revolver on the motorcycle speeding towards her. I stepped from the trees, planning to grab her if Negan decided to be an asshole and not stop, but Judith fired her gun before I ever got the chance.

Negan ducked, the bike swerving as the bullet ricocheted off the metal frame. I winced, clenching my eyes as the bike slid across the hot pavement and Negan rolled into the ditch.

He groaned a deep sound, still alive at least, as Judith trained her gun on him again. I propped myself up against a tree, deciding to watch the little ass-kicker lecture him from afar. Negan wouldn’t hurt a child, even one that held a gun to his head.

Negan shuffled around on the ground a bit, groaning again before meeting Judith’s fiery gaze. The girl was pissed, but that wouldn’t stop Negan from running his mouth off. “All right, slow down kid. I know you said you’d shoot, but damn.”

Judith walked closer, keeping her gun trained on the man, just like Michonne and I had taught her. It made my heart swell with pride, even if she was pointing it at my friend. He kinda deserved it.

“A whole lot of people are out lookin’ for you.” She was right, the word had apparently got out that Negan was missing. By the time I had gotten back home, a few hours ago, they already had a full team of scouts outside the walls. Luckily, we found him first.

Negan wiped his brow, looking towards the ground he sat upon as Judith continued her lecture. “I told you there was nothing out there.”

Negan nodded. “You sure as shit did.”

“Language!” Judith leaned towards the man on the ground, a scowl on her face. “I’m a kid asshole.”

I barely caught the laugh before it escaped, covering my mouth with my hand. Negan smirked, loosing a small chuckle of his own. “Yeah. Yeah, you are.”

Groaning slightly, he stood from the ground, brushing off his jeans with a shit-eating grin on his face. Catching my eyes for a moment before turning back to the little tike with the gun. “What can I say? I like to swear in front of my friends. People that know some shit.”

He sighed, reaching for the chain around his neck and removing it slowly and offering it to Judith. It made my heart swell to witness him being so kind, despite the gun in his face. “Thanks for lettin’ me borrow that”

Receiving the watch in one hand, Judith still held her gun aloft enough to protect herself. _Good girl._ Grinning from ear to ear, I continued to watched the exchange from afar, confident that Judith would get the answers she was seeking.

Folding the chain around her hand, Judith cocked her head to one side in curious inquiry. “You going back to Alexandria?”

“Yep. Cell and all.” There was not a hint of regret or doubt on Negan’s face. He had chosen to come back, but Judith wasn’t convinced yet.

“Why?”

Negan glanced in my direction, shooting a sad grin my way before looking back at Judith. His voice was soft and strained, eyes holding a shimmer of remorse. “‘Cause you were right. I got a good look outside my 10x10 and there is nothing here for me. Not anymore.”

“So you go back. Then what?”

Negan sighed another breath, smiling at the curious girl with so many questions and gave a shrug. “I will let you know when I know.”

Judith slowly lowered her revolver, accepting his answers for the truth that they were. She shrugged her petite shoulder and turned back to where I waited at the tree-line. Negan smiled, following the girl back to where I waited with the horses.

Though his smile was genuine as he approached, I could still recognize the underlying sadness in Negan’s eyes. His admission had made my heart ache. It really must have been hard to go back to that place. Back to the Sanctuary that he had called home so many years ago, just to see it ruined and void of life. But, there was a glimmer in his eye as he looked between Judith and I again, and I doubted it would take long for him to go right back to being his old cocky self.

As I helped Judith mount up on her small steed, Negan looked between the two horses and a small bit of trepidation crossed his features. “What’s wrong, old man? Scared of a little pony ride?”

He smirked at my teasing before chuckling tiredly. “I suppose I can’t convince you to let me walk?”

I smiled. “Not a chance in hell. Now, get up there, jerk. I’m driving.”

He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Fine, fine. Just try not to crush my balls. I would like to use them in the future.”

I smacked him twice across the shoulder, earning a chuckle and a cocky smile from the man before I pointed to the saddle.

He mounted up rather elegantly for all his complaining, his long thick thighs settling comfortably in the saddle seat before I urged him to scoot back. Once settled behind the saddle, he reached out to me and pulled me up into the seat he had just vacated. I took the reins in my hand, nodding to Judith to take the lead.

Moving the horses off into a slow walk, we all headed back towards home. Together.


	5. Darlin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I will not be held responsible for spoiling the show for you. If you don't want spoilers, then go watch the show first. Dialogue from Season 9 is featured in this chapter.
> 
> Sorry for the two week wait on this new chapter, its been a rough time with how sick I've been. Hope you understand and still enjoy this chapter. Thank you for your comments and encouragement as always and I hope you will also join me for the next chapter.

CHAPTER 4

**Negan**

The guards on the Alexandrian wall stopped us at the entrance, weapons raised as Ali’s older brother approached with a pair of cuffs. “Look what the cat dragged in. Nice going sis.”

Ali dismounted, rolling her sky blue eyes before pointing between the silver cuffs in her brother’s hand and myself as I joined her on the ground. “I hope those aren’t meant for him, Matty.”

Her brother huffed a sigh, motioning for the others to return to their posts. One of the guards stayed, helping Judith guide her horse inside the compound walls. The man who was Ali’s brother smiled at the girl before turning back to Ali and I with a frown. “Look, I know he’s your… friend, but he’s dangerous.”

My jaw clenched, poised to release slew of curses at the dumbass. Who did he think he was, assuming I would hurt one of the only people that cared about me? Ali beat me to the punch, though.

“Oh, just stop with that protective brother act. If Negan had wanted to hurt me he had multiple chances to do so on the way back. But he didn’t. In fact, he was on his way back to turn himself in when we ran into him. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have two boys to get home to and an old man’s ass to kick.”

She smirked over her shoulder at me, no doubt hearing me shift my stance behind her. The look in her eyes spoke of things to come, but I was still stuck on the “old man” comment.

“Bu-“

Whirling on her brother again, Ali raised a hand to stop him. “No buts, bro. I’ve got things to do.”

His face spoke of years of exasperation and torment from the stubborn woman, years of bullshit that just made him sigh heavily before letting her have her way. I smirked as Ali handed her brother the reins of her horse, bussing him a peck on the cheek as she passed.

“Let’s go, Negan. I don’t have all day.” Her voice was commanding, sending a little shiver down my spine as I followed.

“Be careful with her, Negan. She may be small, but she will kick your ass if you aren’t careful.” Mathias’s smirk was decidedly wicked, but I only chuckled low in my chest in answer. I honestly wouldn’t have minded a good ass kicking, as long as she was the one doing it.

Following Alisana through the gates, I took in the sights. Alexandra had grown much larger over the years and I had to admit, it was glorious in the sunlight. “Don’t dawdle, Negan. I’m a busy woman.”

Her voice was singsong and happy as she looked over her shoulder at me, a crooked little grin on her lips. She clasped her hands behind her back, seeming relaxed, but I knew she could have her sword at my throat in an instant. The danger of it all kind of turned me on. Who didn’t appreciate a badass woman with attitude?

I kept pace, staying close to her but not in a way that would crowd her space. After all the stories she told me, I wouldn’t want to be the one to make her nervous by looming. And with her small stature, it wouldn’t have been hard to do so.

Turning a corner, I faltered a bit. We were heading away from my cell. “Um, darlin’ I’m not sure if you noticed, but you’re going the wrong way.”

She scoffed, stopping in the middle of the road with her hands on her hips. “Well, if you insist, I can take you back now, but that might interfere with my schedule here. So, if you don’t mind the little detour, you can come along with me to grab some things before I take you back.” Her smile was devious, this was clearly a test, but who was I to complain? It seemed I would be receiving a few more moments of freedom.

Nodding, I waited for her to lead the way again and when she slowed to let me catch up, I did so quickly. Apparently, I didn’t make her as uncomfortable as I thought, or she just wanted a closer eye on me.

“Hey, Negan.” I looked down at her, catching the glint in her eye and a small tinge of pink in her cheeks. “Don’t call me, darlin’.”

I laughed heartily, catching a few wary eyes as we passed, her cheeks grew redder by the second. Smiling down at her, I waited until she met my gaze. “Sure thing, Ali. At least until you change your mind.”

My wink was met with a slap across the shoulder, hard enough to make me wince as it landed. She giggled as I rubbed the stinging area. “Okay, old man. Let’s get that arm looked at and then we can head back.”

Looking up, I noticed the house I had been in the night before. Her house. We climbed the stairs onto the porch and she led me inside where I was ushered into a seat at the kitchen table with a swift, “sit” and “behave yourself” before she disappeared into a back room.

A moment later, Ali returned with a first aid kit and I was being divulged of my leather jacket and shirt. “Damn, Ali. If you wanted me naked all you had to do was ask.”

She rolled her eyes, smacking my chest with the back of her hand before going to work on my scraped shoulder. Apparently the leather hadn’t been enough to save me from the road rash when I ungracefully dismounted my motorcycle earlier.

Her eyes were focused as she worked and I watched, studying the smooth planes of her cheek and jawline. The cerulean blue of her eyes were mesmerizing up close, and her hands were warm and slightly calloused as they wrapped the bandage over my damaged shoulder.

Those blue depths shifted to mine, eyebrow raised as she huffed a breath. “Stop staring, Negan. It’s rude.”

“Sorry, darlin’. Just couldn’t help myself.” I smiled a bit at the pink that bloomed on her cheeks again, catching her hand in mine when she tried to smack me again. “Now, Alisana. You wouldn’t want to hurt your patient now would you?”

She rolled her eyes before pulling her hand away. The retreat was a gentle one, as if she didn’t want me to let go. The thought made my smile grow wider even as she retreated back into the living room where I had found her sleeping this morning.

Donning my shirt and jacket, I followed her into the room, watching her as she searched the bookshelves to one side of the space. “Nice place you got here, Miss Brooks.”

Turning back to me, she held a book in her hand. I recognized the well-worn blue cover as the same one she had on her table when I found her on her couch. “Not like you haven’t seen it before.”

Her words shook me out of my observation, the shock was apparently obvious, but Ali only rolled her eyes before holding the book out to me. “Judith saw you leaving my house this morning, and I don’t remember covering myself with a blanket before passing out last night. So, I put two and two together.”

When I didn’t take the book, she stepped closer and held the cover against my chest. “Seriously, Negan. It’s no big deal. I promise I won’t tell anybody that the Big Bad Wolf has a soft side.” Her cheeky grin made the urge I felt to kiss her grow urgent. I wanted to sink my hands into her thick black locks and plunge between those beautiful pink lips of hers, but I couldn’t. At least not yet.

“Thanks, Ali. Though, I doubt one book will keep this wolf occupied for long.”

She giggled. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that came from.” The sound of the front door opening had us jumping away from each other like two teenagers, until two small voices called out from the entrance.

“Mommy? Uncle Matty told us you were ho-” Two boys who could only have been Alisana’s children entered the room. The taller of the two stopping in his tracks at the entrance to the living room. From Ali’s stories, he could only have been her oldest son, Patton. And the one currently looking up at me, with eyes to match his mother’s and a look of awe on his face, had to me Nikolas.

“Wow, you’re Negan, right?” He looked up, leaning back comically as he stood far to close. “You’re really tall.”

Ali’s muffled giggles caught my attention. Looking back to her, I saw the happiness in her face as she watched her youngest son with love and adoration. I smiled back at the boy before settling on a knee in front of him. “Yessir. That would be me. And you must be Nikolas. Your mom has told me a lot about you and your brother, Patton.”

Nik’s sweet smile was contagious, but chancing a glance in Patton’s direction I noticed the slight twinge of fear and wariness in his eyes. Not wanting to stress the boy even further, I decided it would be best not to overstay my welcome and stood. “Well, I’m sorry to say this, but I think its about time that I head back.”

Nik’s groan of protest made me chuckle. It seemed I was inadvertently growing a bit of a fan club. First Judith and now Nikolas, no wonder they were such good friends.

Ali’s voice cut through my musings. “Don’t complain, Nikky. Maybe you can come with me next time I visit, Negan. Then you can ask all the questions that I’m sure you are dying to ask him.”

“Really?” Nik and I parroted each other before smiling. I never expected Ali to make such a suggestion to her kids, but the more the merrier. At least he would have permission to speak to me, unlike Judith who had to sneak away to ask for my help.

“Yes, really.” Ali giggled. “Now, why don’t you and Pat finish up your homework while I get Negan back to where he’s supposed to be, and I’ll pick up something to cook for dinner tonight from the pantry. How does that sound?”

Nik cheered, running to hug his mom around the waist before bounding up the stairs to the second floor, Patton following closely behind without a word. I watched them leave, with a bit of concern for the older boy. From the stories she had shared with me, he hadn’t had the best interactions with men around his mother. So, I didn’t blame him for being wary. Especially when everyone considered me a monster.

A hand on my shoulder had me peering down into cerulean blue again. “Don’t worry about Pat. He’s quiet and shy, but he’s a good kid. He’ll get used to you eventually.”

I smiled my signature cocky grin. “Careful now, Miss Ali. You make it sound like you plan on keeping me around.”

She led the way towards the front door before looking back at me over her shoulder, a cheeky grin on her face. “Play your cards right, Negan, and maybe I will.”

____________________

Sitting alone in my cell days later, I heard the door from the outside creak open. I smiled, gently turning the book Alisana gave me over and over in my hands as Michonne entered the room. She’s rightfully agitated and with good reason.

“Welcome home.” She sighs in exasperation, tired from her trip and not wanting to deal with my bullshit. “I’m surprised it took so long.”

Cutting right to the chase, she lays out what she wants. Blunt and straight to the point like always. “I want answers. And I’m told you’ll only give them to me. So…tell me. Why the hell did you come back. ‘Cause I know for damn sure it wasn’t for nothing.”

I shrugged, still holding the book in my hand. “Well, in fairness to Gabe, it wasn’t all his fault that I got out. You can’t keep a big dog locked up forever. Sooner or later, he’s gotta run.”

“Yeah, but you ran back. So what kind of dog does that make you?”

Gesturing with the book, I smiled at her question. This is what I wanted to talk to her about anyway. Sometimes, I have to admit that I’m happy she could always see through my bullshit. “I’m glad you asked.” Placing the book on the cot, I stood, approaching Michonne standing just on the other side of the cell door. I gripped one of the bars in my hand, placing the other into the pocket of my jeans, trying to appear relaxed as she crossed her arms, guarded.

“You know I was in your home? I could have waited there.” Michonne sigh is not startled, not worried in the slightest, just tired. Waiting for me to get to the point I’m actually trying to make by admitting my actions from that night. “Bashed your head in when you walked through the door. Hell, I could’ve bashed in a whole lot of heads. But I didn’t.”

“Because you knew you’d be a dead man if you tried. You’re an asshole, not an idiot.” Her statement was a matter of fact one, no doubt laced her voice. Because, whether she wanted to admit it or not, she knew me for who I really was. I chuckled under my breath, waiting for her to get all of her frustration out in the open. “No, I think you decided to take your shot out there, and ‘out there' spit you out, so you dragged your pathetic ass right back here.” She chuckles harshly. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

I bowed my head a bit, not denying her accusation, because she wasn’t wrong. Not entirely correct either, but I wasn’t willing to play that card yet. ”Well, you’re right, the world has changed. But the thing is…I’ve changed, too.”

She scoffed, her brow wrinkling in agitation. “What do you want?”

“If you’re not gonna kill me, then maybe you could learn to trust me a little bit."

Michonne chuckles, causing a bit of my anger to writhe. I hoped this would go differently, hoped that maybe she would see a difference in me. But this conversation wasn’t exactly going the way I planned. “Wow. Wow. You choose self-preservation over revenge, and you think that earns you my trust? Wow. If spouting fresh bullshit counts as change, congratulations, Negan, you are a new man.”

“You’re keeping me in here to remind everybody how merciful the great Rick Grimes was. But I am telling you, I can be so much more than that. I can help you.” I tried to convince her, pouring all the sincerity I could muster into my voice, I really just wanted to help, but it seemed like she wasn’t ready to believe that.

“I don’t need anything you’re selling.” She shook her head with her words, denying every word that I said before I even got to say them. I was at a dead end, but I wasn’t ready to give up. I pushed harder.

“You have a really good thing going for you here, but it is slipping through your fingers. And it is only a matter of time before you lose control of it completely.”

And it seemed I pushed a bit too hard, divulged too much. Confusion and wariness coated her expression. “Where are you getting this?"

Hoping that the truth would help her see that I was sincere, I gave up my secret. Well, it wasn’t really a secret to anyone who remembered I was here. Pointing to the window, I explained to her how I knew so much about the communities problems, well except for the more personal things that Ali had shared. Those were between us and I wouldn’t risk her place here by telling Michonne. “My windows to the world are right outside your meeting room. I’m not deaf. I hear things.”

“Well, you heard wrong.” She denied me at every turn. How in the hell was I supposed to get through to a woman that already considered me the enemy, even though I proved that I wasn’t willing to hurt anyone here anymore.

Sighing, I tried one last time. Speaking softly asto keep our fraying tempers in check as much as possible. This was supposed to be a conversation on the behalf of helping me get out and be a normal person again and I wasn’t going to risk it by getting angry. “Look, all I’m saying is, I know a thing or two about keeping people in line. I could be a sounding board for you. Leader to…former leader.”

“I’m not the leader here.”

Her denial only served to agitate me even more. How could she deny her leadership after what she had done? Why was she so keen on beating around the bush now after shooting straight with me up until this point? It was frustrating. “Oh, come on. Now, I heard you wrote up some constitution that supposedly gives power to the people, and yet you’ve got it so you’re the one that makes all the decisions. Shit. That’s one hell of a racket. I wish I-”

She was visibly pissed at my accusation, interrupting my train of thought, thankfully before I could say anything else to piss her off further. “It’s not a racket. And you don’t know shit about what goes on here.”

I paused, taking a moment to consider my words, deciding to impart another truth I had learned from ruling the Saviors. “I know that a good leader uses everything to their advantage.”

But, she was done. Tired of listening and unwilling to stay any longer. “Sorry, Negan. If this is why you came back, you should’ve stayed out there.” She smiled, the expression was tired and did not reach her eyes as she turned back to the door to leave.

I called her name, tried to stop her before she left. “Michonne-”

Turning back to me, there was anger in her eyes. She was tired of listening, it was her turn to talk. “Listen! I’m not finished. Now, we will be tying you up while we fortify that lock. And I want those windows closed.” She stopped in her tracks, hand pointed up to the window for a moment before quickly exiting through the door she entered a few minutes ago.

“Shit.” So much for convincing her I’m different. Guess I’ll have to bide my time a bit longer before she will be willing to trust me.


	6. Keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates guys, it’s been a rough time with my mental health and I just couldn’t motivate myself to work on anything for the past few weeks. But my wonderful beta (aka as sexykitty96 on Tumblr) came through with her unwavering encouragement and faith in me. So, I’m back now and I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the previous ones.
> 
> Warning: There are some spoilers for Season 9 Episode 14 and there is a depiction of our OC (Ali) experiencing a panic attack brought on my her PTSD…..so if that sort of thing might trigger something for you, I suggest you pass over that scene (I have the scene marked at the beginning and end). Otherwise, enjoy the chapter and please leave some kudos and comments below!

CHAPTER 5

**Alisana**

Finishing up the morning’s chores, I left the boys to play with the other children while I took lunch to my brother, Greg. He was on duty at the wall with Aaron and Laura when I arrived.

“Hey, little bro. Brought you some lunch.” I handed over the bag with a smile, patting him on the shoulder when he returned his own smile and a quiet “thanks.”

Aaron smiled down at me from the landing at the top of the wall. “Hey, Ali. How’s little Gracie doing? Hope she wasn’t giving your boys too much trouble when you left.”

“Nah, she was an angel, like always. Pat and Eli just don’t know much about dealing with girls is all.” I chuckled, climbing up the ladder to join them at the top of Alexandria’s wall.

“They better get used to it, Miss Brooks.” Laura stifled a girlish giggle behind her hand. “I think Judith and Gracie might have some puppy love going on.”

Aaron’s jaw went a bit slack, causing Laura and I to burst into guffaws of laughter. “She’s only teasing you, Aaron. Plus, boys their age still think girls have cooties.”

A large sigh left Aaron’s lips, his shoulders relaxing a bit before he placed a hand on his chest in mock horror. “Don’t scare me like that. She’s still my baby and I wanna keep it that way for a while.”

Gripping him by the shoulder, I smiled genuinely at Aaron, knowing exactly what he meant. “I know, and you better soak up every moment of it. They grow up way too fast nowadays.”

We talked for a while longer, Greg cutting in every once in a while with his own information and jokes from the base of the wall, when the sound of footsteps approaching put us all on high alert.

Turning to the exterior of the wall we watched, weapons drawn, as four human figures and a dog emerged from the trees and onto the road. Immediately, I recognized Connie, from the group Judith had rescued about a week ago. The man was less familiar, but if memory served me correctly, I could only assume he was Daryl Dixon. But the two younger members of their party were unfamiliar and a lot younger than I expected, only teens from the look of them. And one of them was hurt.

“Daryl, what are you doing here? With her?” Aaron’s voice was harsh, suspicious, and it put everyone on high alert.

“I had no choice, Aaron. Y’all were closest and Henry is hurt.” Daryl’s voice was gruff and tired as he pointed to the injured boy with the blonde hair. “Look, you don’t have to let us in, just get Michonne and let me talk to her first. If she says we can’t come in, then we will move on.”

Aaron nodded, climbing down the ladder quickly and heading off in the direction of Michonne’s house. I stood closer to the railing, watching the party down below and catching Connie’s eye. I waved to her, using the bit of mediocre sign language I knew to try and ask what happened.

Smiling up at me, she signed back. “It’s good to see you, too. We got into a bit of trouble with another group, but we will be fine.”

I nodded, signing back to her as best I could. “Who’s the girl? She the one Michonne told us about, from that skin walker group?”

Connie began to sign back, telling me that the girl was part of that group, but she didn’t want to be with them, something about her not being treated right by her mother and being brainwashed. She signed so fast, that it was hard for me to catch all of the conversation, but I got the gist of it and signed a quick “thank you” to her just as Michonne and Aaron climbed up the ladder to join us at the top of the wall again.

The insects chirped around us as Laura and I moved aside to let Michonne and Daryl talk. “Henry’s hurt. You were closest.” Michonne continued to look down on the small group as Daryl spoke to her. “I wouldn’t have come. We had no other choice.”

Michonne scrutinized the group for a moment, shaking her head as apprehension furrowed her brow. “What about her?”

The boy, Henry, looked up to us at the top of the wall. He leaned on his staff to alleviate the pressure from his wound, but authority and attitude still seeped from his voice when he spoke. “She’s with us.” The girl looked at him as he spoke, but Daryl never took his eye from Michonne. He only nodded when she turned her attention back to him.

Turning back to us, Michonne looked at us with pleading eyes, asking us what she should do. There was an underlying fear there. One that I knew too well, it spoke of her past like the ringing of a bell. She feared that if she trusted them, let this girl in, that those skin walkers would be able to waltz right into this place. And they would not hesitate to kill. Everyone.

Aaron seemed to agree with her. No doubt knowing exactly where Michonne’s thoughts of the past had taken her. “We can’t trust her.” His whispered words did not tremble with fear, but there was fear on his face as he spoke.

But Michonne only sighed, shaking her head in denial as she whispered back to him. “But I trust Daryl.” Turning, the confidence returned to her face as she looked down to where my brother stood at the gate. “Open it!”

The gate clanked lightly as it opened, and Michonne and I descended on the ladder to greet our new guests.

We walked the group to the infirmary where Henry could get patched up, Laura joined us as added protection as well, but it made for a quiet and tense walk as everyone kept a close eye on the young girl. Just because Daryl vouched for her, it didn’t mean we would be willing to let our guard down around her just yet.

But I noticed something as we walked, the girl carried herself differently. There was something familiar about the way she was acting. Like she was a scared bunny in a den full of wolves. It was disturbing in its familiarity, sending shivers down my spine, but I couldn’t put a finger on it. Why was this girl causing such a reaction in me?

When we reached the infirmary, Michonne, Connie, Daryl and I stayed outside while Henry was sewn up. Laura kept watch from the door as the doc worked on the boy, the young girl never leaving Henry’s side.

Michonne peered through the window for a moment, observing the girl as she comforted Henry while his cut was closed by the doctor. Turning back to us, she looked down at Daryl as he washed the blood from his hands in a bucket off to one side of the porch.

She took a few steps down, bringing herself to the same level as her old friend. “So, where to now? Straight to the Kingdom?”

Darly continued to scrub his hands in the soapy water, nodding in agreement. “Well, probably not straight, but, yeah… Carol should know.”

Connie stepped up to Michonne then, brandishing her notepad with a quickly written note in its pages. “This wasn’t the plan but I’d do it all again.”

Michonne read the note silently, waiting as Connie turned the page. “With different shoes.” The second note made me snicker behind my hand and Michonne smiled with Connie before looking off into the distance again.

The sound of horses in the distance seemed to catch her attention and I watched along with her as Aaron met with two riders on the street, presumably heading out to scout. Her face turned to a scowl as she began to walk up the stairs, but Connie stopped her with a gentle tap on her shoulder.

Michonne’s abrupt turn had Connie stepping back a bit before signing, “Thank you. For everything.” Michonne said nothing, only glanced to Daryl once more before stepping inside the infirmary, speaking to Laura in a hushed tone.

“Keep an eye on the girl.”

Laura nodded, eyes following Michonne as she walked further into the clinic. “I’m on it.”

I stayed behind for a moment, preferring to stay with the small group until I observed Aaron coming our way through one of the windows. Following Michonne’s path, Daryl, Connie and I emerged from the clinic in time to hear the last bit of Aaron’s conversation with Michonne.

Michonne stood with her back to us as I emerged from the clinic, Connie and Daryl followed close behind me. Aaron’s deep voice cut through the otherwise quiet street. “If those skin jobs are looking… they’ll find us soon enough.”

She turned back towards our little group. I noted that her face held a deep worry and fear, one that went deeper than just our current threat. Turning back to Aaron again, she spoke too softly for me to catch her words, but the fear that was on their faces when she and Aaron turned, made my own heart race.

“Hey.” A gruff voice pulled me from the small panic attack that tried to take me and my eyes connected with Daryl’s. “I don’t think you were living here, when I was here last.”

His voice was suspicious, but not unkind. So, I smiled, reaching my hand out to him. “You’re right. Name’s Alisana, but you can call me Ali.”

He shook my hand, offering a small nod of acknowledgement. “Daryl.”

I smirked. “Oh, I know who you are.” His head cocked to the side in confusion causing Connie to hide her own smile. “There’s a little birdie around here that talks about her Uncle Daryl all the time.”

There was no need to mention that you had actually heard most of the stories from Negan. That wouldn’t exactly have put you two on the right foot, especially since Daryl probably hated Negan for what he did.

I was surprised to see a bit of a flush in his cheeks, but decided not to call attention to it. “I feel bad for not coming to see the little ass-kicker more often. But, how did you find this place, its not like it’s common knowledge that we have this community, or that Michonne would let you in after everything that has happened over the years.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant after all of the things my brothers and Michonne had shared with me. I had been just as surprised that Michonne had let me in after I heard about their bought with the woman named Jocelyn and her kids. The fact that Michonne had even given me the time of day after I found this place was a miracle in itself.

“Morgan found us. My two boys and I had just left our encampment in Georgia and were on our way to Virginia when we ran into a small herd, he and his friends stopped to help us. We wouldn’t have made it out alive if it weren’t for them.”

Daryl nodded. “Morgan is a good man. Good to know he is still helping people after all he’s been through.”

I smiled, thinking back to their group. “Yeah. When he found out that we were headed to the Naval base to find my family, he pointed us back to this place. I’m glad he did, or I never would have found my brothers, or the friends that we have all made here.”

Daryl smirked a bit, a twinkle of happiness coming through his otherwise stoic face. “Well, I’m glad you found us then. Did Morgan say anything about where they were headed when you left?”

Shaking my head, I felt a bit bad at not having the news he was hoping for. “Unfortunately not.They never told me where they were headed, but I hope they are safe.”

Daryl only nodded before turning back to our surroundings. When Connie tapped me on the shoulder, I was more than happy to talk to her again. Though I had only known her for a short while, we had become pretty fast friends.

We chatted for a while, taking a few moments to catch up on what had happened with each other since she had gone to Hilltop. I had heard most of what had gone on with the hostile group from before when Michonne came back, but hearing Connie’s side of the story gave me a new sense of the danger we were all facing. It made me uneasy.

If someone was willing to beat and brainwash her own daughter, her own people? Presenting herself as an Alpha? Trying to sacrifice an innocent infant to the hoard? That was a monster who couldn’t be allowed to live. This woman, she was a living monster.

*****Panic Attack Scene*****

My heart clenched in fear, thinking about the horrible things, the horrible lengths this type of woman would probably go to to get what she wanted. I felt the anxiety rushing through my system, nausea bubbling in my gut as my hands began to feel clammy.

My breathing became ragged and my vision swam. Connie’s worried eyes became blurry as my vision wavered at the edges, becoming darker. I fought the urge to faint with all of my might until a firm grip was placed on my shoulder and Daryl’s voice broke through the darkness.

“Take a deep breath, Ali. You’re having a panic attack.” I tried to focus on his words. His deep gravelly voice caused my bones to rattle as he held a firm grip on my shoulder. A high pitched whistle left his lips and I heard the bark of a dog before I was being gently lowered to the wooden floorboards of the porch.

The familiar tapping of nails on wood caught my attention, snapping me further out of the spell before a large furry body settled itself across my legs. Instinctively, I sunk my hands into soft fur and felt the tears begin to stream down my face as the pressure on my shoulder lessened.

*****Panic Attack Scene (End)*****

I took deep breaths, further calming myself as the unknown dog in my lap continued to lay across my lap. Looking up, I noted the worry in Connie’s brown eyes and the understanding in Daryl’s. Slowly, with shaking hands, I wiped the tears from my face as Michonne made her way up the stairs. Her eyes held no pity anymore, knowing everything I went through in the past and exactly who I needed to talk to to get through this spell.

“You okay, Ali?” I nodded, still shaking a bit as I ran my hands through the dog’s sleek brown hair.

Looking down at his dark muzzle, I smiled, missing my own overgrown puppy. He gave me a happy dog grin before standing slowly to allow me to stand.

Michonne’s hand reached for me, pulling me from the ground. The jangling of keys caused me to blush as she pulled them from her pocket. “Go ahead. I’ll go check on the kids for you while you are gone.”

With a nod and a small wave to Connie and Daryl, I made my way to Negan’s cell, holding the keys tightly in my fist.


	7. Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and the shorter chapter this time around, but I needed to switch POV for what comes after this to truly get the immersive experience across to you. Things are about to ramp up for our OC. But, don't be too disappointed....cuz this short chapter may just surprise you with how much of a punch it packs.
> 
> Please comment and send me those kudos if you feel like sharing the love, I'm having so much fun writing this story and I hope you continue to enjoy how the fic unfolds over the next chapters of the story.
> 
> **There are no spoilers in this chapter.**

CHAPTER 6

**Negan**

I sat on my cot, reading in peaceful silence when the sound of the door pulled my attention up from the pages. Alisana came down the stairs, trying to appear nonchalant and failing miserably.

Her hands shook, knuckles white around the keys to my cell. Her cheeks were pale under red-rimmed eyes. Those blue depths, once clear windows to her soul, were cloudy and full of pain.

I stood slowly, not wanting to startle her. In these moments, I found it best to stay quiet and let her come to me, even though I wanted to rush to comfort her. It was clear she had had an attack, but something was different, evident by the keys in her shaking hands.

She unlocked the cell door, opening it slowly and not saying a word. I waited, standing an arms length away, all she had to do was take one more step.

That moment felt like forever. Time was frozen as I waited with baited breath for her to decide. Then a whimpering, shuddering sound emerged from her and the first sparkle of a tear slid down her cheek. Her knees wobbled as she reached out for me, taking that step and falling into the circle of my arms.

I held her there, my chin resting on the crown of her head as she sobbed in my arms. Anger filled me before being drowned in a sea of sorrow, my heart breaking for this woman that I felt so much for.

Walking her back into the cell, I perched myself on the edge of my cot and pulled her down into my lap. She squeaked a bit in surprise, looking up at me through teary blue eyes and wet lashes before settling her head into my shoulder. I ran my fingers through the wealth of her hair and felt the tension slowly ease itself out of her body.

After a moment, she sighed and I knew she would be okay. But a little joke never hurt to lighten up the mood a bit.

“Never expected you to be the jail-breaking type, Miss Brooks. So, is there an escape plan to go with those pilfered keys or…” I smirked, causing her to giggle before rolling her eyes playfully. “There’s my girl.”

Whipping her head back to face me, I watched the red blush travel up her neck and into her cheeks before her eyes grew somber again. “Ali, darlin’. What’s wrong?”

“Well, I just met Daryl. He and some of the others from Hilltop got attacked by members of that group in the walker masks. They got away and came here to get patched up.” Her eyes went glassy as she spoke, no doubt thinking back to what had been said that day. “The girl that’s with them, she’s like me. She’s younger, probably only 16 or 17, but she’s just like I was.”

“Ah.” I nodded, connecting the dots. “Seeing someone like her must have brought back a lot of memories for you. I’m sorry that happened, darlin’.”

“It’s fine, Negan. I’m fine.” She smiled warmly up at me. “Apparently, you aren’t the only one who has experience with people like me. Daryl was able to help me calm down before I blacked out, at least. Though, I doubt I would have stayed conscious if he wouldn’t have had his dog with him.”

“A dog?” I pondered her words, never remembering Daryl to have a dog with him.

“Yeah, you remember me telling you about my Spartan?” I nodded, remembering the stories she had told me about the dog from her childhood. The spark of love in her eyes made me smile down at her, though there was still a deep sadness in them, a loneliness from losing someone you love.

“Yeah, I remember. The one you said bit the mailman that got too close.” I chuckled as she giggled, a little more light coming through her gaze. “Badass dog if you ask me.”

Her smile grew wider. “He was a bit of a troublemaker, that one. But, he always made me feel better on my bad days. I just wish I wouldn’t have lost him before the worst parts of my life happened, before he got to give that love and protectiveness to my boys. He never got the chance to meet Nik, but Patton loved him.”

Another stray tear slid down her cheek, but I wiped it away quickly. “No more tears now, darlin’. You’re breaking my heart.”

She gave a watery laugh. “Funny for someone who claims not to have one.”

“Only for you, Ali cat.” I winked, making her roll her eyes.

“Oh, please. I’ve seen you go all sweet and soft when Judith and my boys are around…” I opened my mouth, intent on speaking my defense, but she cut me off turning in my arms to poke me in the chest. “And don’t you dare deny it. I see that heart you wear on your sleeve.”

I cocked my head, waiting for her to notice the position she had just put herself in. Alisana Brooks, unbeknownst to her actions, was now straddling my lap…not that I was complaining. Cuz damn it was hot. I felt the cocky smirk grow on my face, just before her own face flushed crimson.

“Negan?” Her voice was hushed, wavering slightly as her pupils dilated.

She began to lean in towards me and I allowed it, not having the heart to stop her until the last moment. Her lips were a hairs breadth away from mine, brushing mine lightly as I spoke her name. “Ali. Stop. We can’t do this. Not now, darlin’.”

I wanted nothing more than to act on that kernel of lust I saw growing in her eyes, but I wouldn’t risk damaging the relationships she had made with this community. The teasing back and forth was fine, welcome even, but I didn’t want her to lose everything. Especially not for someone like me.

Her eyes were wide, embarrassment and heartbreak coating her features as she began to pull away. I pulled her back, connecting my forehead with hers. “I’m sorry, doll. I want nothing more than to kiss you, but not here. Not while I’m stuck in here. If I’m gonna go any further, have anything more with you…I want it to be as a free man. Not this evil silhouette in a dark cell, but as a good man that you and your boys can look up to.”

“Okay, Negan. If that’s what you really want.” Her defeated tone made me want to kiss her, to take her and show her that I wasn’t lying to her. Instead, I carefully placed a tender kiss on her forehead before allowing her the chance to extract herself from my lap.

She didn’t go immediately. Perching there on my lap like a lost kitten before a minute smirk curled the corner of her mouth. “You really are soft inside that hard exterior, aren’t ya? A cunning and cocky Casanova on the outside, but there’s a white knight inside that suit of armor.”

“You’ve been reading too many romance novels there, sweetheart. I’m the big bad wolf, through and through.” I said with a signature cocky grin, offering her my hand.

She giggled, gripping the proffered hand and standing to her full height above me. But, when she continued to stand there, not letting go or stepping back for me to join her, I looked up to her with suspicion.

My hand was still held tightly in hers and I couldn’t help the urge to brush her knuckles with my thumb. “Ali cat? Everything okay?”

The mischievous smirk that curled her lips was sexy as hell, enthralling me as she leaned in. Her free hand came to the side of my face, fingers scratching through my beard as she stared into my eyes. “Everything is fine, Negan. Just wanted to make something clear before I left.”

“And that would be what, exactly?” I smirked, not sure where she was going with this, but enjoying her gentle touch all the same.

“That you aren’t the only wolf around here.” She smiled down at me and before I could process the movement, her lips were latched onto mine.

Time seemed to stop as her lips moved with mine. It was demanding at first, raw and rough and hungry before growing more sensual. She released my hand, allowing me to grip her hips as she sank her own hands into my hair. Fingers massaged my scalp, sending a tremor down my spine as my blood heated and then it was over, leaving us both gasping for air.

“You trying to kill me, woman?” My chest heaved, sucking in air and shifting uncomfortably in my now too tight jeans.

“What’s wrong, old man? Can’t take a little heat?” She smirked, tugging slightly on the handful of hair she still held.

“One of these days, I’ll show you what kind of heat this old man can handle.” I growled, squeezing her hips and pulling her into my chest. Her smirk just grew wider as she lowered her face back down to mine.

“Promises. Promises, Negan.” Her lips brushed against mine with her whispered words before I claimed them again.

Slower this time, I allowed the heat to build as I kissed her, pouring all of my pent up feelings into the act and hoping that soon I could fulfill my promises, as a free man.


End file.
